Thursday, October 29, 2009

Happy Anniversary to Mrs. Sausage Fingers

Dear wife,
   Thanks for putting up with me for the last 15 years, thank you for your kindness and patience and most of all your unconditional love.
Love, your hubby aka Sausage

Our lovely wee chapel
in the mountains
October 29, 1994

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

We stuck our finger in the ant mound

I have never protested anything, never been a flag waiver for a cause or spouted vile and noxious rants at someone who has opposing views from mine. I think I feel a change coming on.
The U.S. military lost another 8 troops today in Afghanistan  and 14 more in the helicopter crash yesterday. How much more of this can the world take, how many more will loose Fathers and Mothers and Brothers and Sisters? Why can't this bullshit war end?

I understand the war cry of terrorism and the sabre rattling that Washington uses to rally the cause of the Americans, but are we not collectively sick of it, is this war in jeopardy of becoming the next Vietnam?

People like me are to blame, I watched the invasion 8 years ago on t.v. and sat there eyes bulging at the might of the military saying things to myself like "Fuck yea, don't mess with the U.S." Now I am ashamed of myself realizing that boots on ground is not a hot new video game. I am sorry, I have neglected the feelings of the wives whose husbands are stuck in the sand.

I do not condone the actions of terrorists they are terrorists for a reason, they are vile bastards who want to end this country and everyone in it. But after 8 long hard years are we not almost finished? could we not have solved this problem another way? I have no answers, I have no degree in politcal science nor do I have the military learned skills to advise anyone on this issue. I am just a working man trying to raise a family hoping for a better future for the next generation.

It looks like we stuck our finger in the ant mound.
It seems like we hit the hornet nest with a stick.
It feels like we are at the zoo and a fat kid dropped his popcorn in the bear exibit and jumped in to get it, now we are gasping at the sight of the bears looming over the prospect.

I wish John Lennon was still alive, 'cause we could sure use some more love in this world.

Peace, Sausage.

Monday, October 26, 2009

There was no texting......damn the texting

My Father, myself and my Sons, 3 generations of men raised in all together different ages of technology. My Father raised without a telephone in the home, me raised with 1 telephone a rotary phone none the less, and my sons who talk and text on cell phones all day long. I remember our first cordless phone it was as big as a brick with an antenna 12" long.

In our home we have 3 cell phones and 2 wall phones, in our shop we have 4 phones and 1 fax phone and our 2 cell phones. When I forget my cell phone I feel naked as if I am going to miss the most important call of my life, like the President will be calling me asking for my input on this years Champions League or something.

I called my Son yesterday to let him know I was home and the call went directly to his voice mail, I left my message and hung up. My phone beeped a few seconds later and to my astonishment I received a text from said Son with a reply "Thanks, see you later."

Gone are the days when your Mother would stretch her neck out the front door and yell "Dinner's ready" Gone are the days when you would keep a quarter in your pocket to call home from a phone booth. I don't think my kids have ever seen a phone booth!! What did they do with them all? I hope they washed all the piss out of them.

Someday my Sons will write about their poor old Father who only had 1 cell phone and didn't know how to text, probably because of his sausage fingers, while they talk to a holograph friend projected from their new device. Someday.


Saturday, October 24, 2009


Flicking throught the TV channels and came across JAWS, the original and best one of the batch, I remember seeing it at the cinema with my Gran and Auntie Jess not far from the bottom of the Hilltown. I thought of this quote by Hunter S. Thompson, I think it fits swimingly. Cheers.

It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.

Hunter S. Thompson

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Road Beckons.....

The American stepped off the plane and realized he was far from home, he knew this was not the place of his birth but the place of his ancestors. He was a traveler, a nomad of sorts, the kind of man who drew comfort from knowing where he is at this moment is home. He is free from the constraints of those around him, free from the politics of the daily grind of those of us who call home the same place year after year. Scotland is a place in your blood not just a country on the world map, the American knew this from his upbringing in a Scottish family, he is well versed in the culture both good and bad and will amalgamate himself  in Scotland's welcoming bosom. A year long working vacation while his love learns more of the culture of her man, all the best to you both, what's next? The road beckons.......
written for Glen and Erin

Dear Thyroid

You butterfly shaped little bastard, you inch high terrorist that holds me captive in your underactive prison, thanks for being all you can be and quitting on me when I needed you most. You have the morals of a sleazy politician who can't function properly but has a vice like grip on everyone else, you squeeze the life out of me and force me to medicate you like a junkie father who holds court over his rampaged children. If you were a man I would cruch your face, I would cut you and watch you bleed out my overpriced medication while you beg for Mr. Schmidt to help you. Your are the King, I am the people, the revolt is on, watch out here I come.....

Thursday, October 22, 2009

something happened to my football while I was watching baseball

Scotland failed to qualify for another World Cup while smaller less experienced football nations are getting in, I would like to hear from some Scots as to why our national team is so weak. Is it the Premier League? are we just not good enough? or do we give up to easily? I left the Motherland way back in '82 and  followed our football whenever it was played here in the US which was usually in the middle of the damn night, Scotland was not most dynamic football nation then but I do remember them not losing much at Hampden now it seems any country can roll in and take the points from us, are we not a nation of fighters and scrappers, did we not defend Hampden like a fortress at one time. I wonder if our players are becoming fat and happy with ther club teams and don't bother to put the effort in when they suit up for Scotland or as I like to say 'Don your second blue skin.' I remember some time in the late 80's or early 90's one of our youth teams made it to a world junior final which tells me that we had talent in our youth, can the same youth that made the final not equate the same skill as men? I hope this blog will give me some answers, I only want the best for Scotland and hope they can win a world cup in my lifetime or at least before the English win another one. Cheers, Sausage.
ps. -  I hope Jimmy Bastard and the Bearded One can help me with this

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


It all started back in 1993, Kim and I were tired of living in South Florida and wanted a change of pace and lifestyle. Kim had always been fascinated with Atlanta it was far enough away from home but not too far that family would not visit. I remember wanting to live in Miami Beach at the time, longing for the rum soaked streets, the waft of Cuban cigars and the endless horizon of sugar sand on the beach, It had been only a 1 hour drive from LHP and my friends and I drove almost every weekend to see the parade of skin and silicone that oozed around South Beach and Coconut Grove, for me it would have been home forever.
We decided to take a weekend trip to Atlanta to check out the city, I remember driving into Atlanta just when you can see the buildings and the Gold dome then on the right the old Fulton County Stadium then more big buildings and billboards and Georgia Tech and just stuff everywhere. This was the biggest place I had ever seen and I could only think that I was missing the Annual Calle Ocho Hot Wing Festival on South Beach for this! After we checked into the Red Roof Inn on North Druid Hills we headed to the Sandy Springs area then on to Stone Mountain, after climbing the summit and seeing the view and the fall colors the City was starting to wash over me with bits and pieces of a future life. I could feel the warmth of the southern culture that I experienced with Kim’s family, there was a genuine feel of home starting to blanket me. South Florida was a fantastic region to live but I started to feel as if Atlanta was a place to call home a place to lay down roots. It was fall in Atlanta a wonderful season of color with the full spectrum on view like a buffet of choices for the visitor. Having already conquered Stone Mountain we looked for other things to do, it seemed as if there was an endless supply of events and destinations for a young couple just starting their lives together and now we wanted it, we wanted the festivals, we wanted Piedmont Park, we wanted downtown, we wanted the weather, we wanted it all and we wanted it now.
The day we left Atlanta for Deerfield Beach we picked up apartment brochures and decided to make another trip next month. During the next trip we had already decided to move and put down a deposit on an apartment in Dunwoody on Treelodge Parkway, apartment #305. And so it began the Hammond migration
Moving to Atlanta was easy, an old Shriners trailer, all our furniture and 2 cats rumbling up the highway to our new life in the Peach State.
Mum, Dad and Glen moved next, then we snuck Ross and Nicole up as they also wanted an escape from South Florida.
Life was good in Atlanta, the Hammonds all together living around the same area enjoying the outdoors of the city and the ambience of it all. People change and grow and their tastes evolve as they age, after 5 years Kim and I had a longing for the Sunshine State and found ourselves doing the same thing we did when we found Atlanta, weekend trips ended with looking for areas to move to in Florida. Ross was the next to go when he left for New York and finally Wilmington, Mum and Dad settled back in Florida where all people over 60 must go, I think they passed a law or something. That left Glen, he was a just a boy who came to Atlanta but will leave as a man, I have watched him grow from a wee red headed laddie to a sparkling example of the next Hammond generation. So as the last Hammond leaves the Peach State we collectively thank you for the following:
Marriages, babies, careers launched, tattoos inked, bands formed, friendships created, eternal love found, virginity lost, and dreams fulfilled.
We say farewell to you, our second city, our past home, you will always be in our hearts as a part of our youth and the stories of our children’s children to come. So as the last Hammond departs Atlanta a chapter of all our lives comes to an end, I would like to say for all the Hammonds: Thanks for everything.
Hammonds in Atlanta
1993 - 2009

Monday, October 12, 2009

For the love of football, the real kind

I have been in America for almost 30 years, I love the culture, the food, the weather and I even love the sports but I can't fathom why Americans don't embrace real football (soccer). I have heard crap excuses like - too boring, not enough scoring and my personal favorite "It's for girls" I usually reply to the later with "Let's go the the field, you run with the ball and I will slide tackle you Vinny Jones style if you can get up right away then you are right you are too tough for soccer." Come on USA you have decent national team who just qualified for the world cup but yet you drag your feet on loving this sport, why? If the USA men's national team does not get the coverage and support that they deserve then I think we should start a petition to change the NFL from the National Football League to the National Throwball League since only the lonely kicker actually uses his foot.

Nervous at the coffee shop

I might be one of a handfull of people who don't drink coffee from trendy coffee shops, I actually make my own coffee in the morning it's pretty simple and old school. I find myself in a bookstore surrounded by the smell of the paper and the allure of the beans brewing and decide to catch up with the rest of the world and order a frappa cappa latte mocha java something. I noticed on the top of the menu was "Coffee of the day" not wanting to jump right in the deep end here I asked the young fella what was the "Coffee of the day" he actually replied "Just regular coffee" holy crap am I missing something here or are you asking me to pay $3.50 for just regular coffee. Then after staring at the menu like an old man in the DMV I spurted out "I will have a cafe aut lait" The kid made the frothy brew, I paid and sat down in the bookstore with my new discovery. The coffee was good the environment was better I actually felt the same way I did when I turned 21 and ordered my first drink in a bar.