Friday, July 15, 2011

Julia Hurley for President and the U.S.A. adds HOOTERS orange to the flag

Is this the beginning of the end? Is there a massive meteor out there in deep space hurling toward earth with direct intent of the destruction of our watered down state of humanity? Our politicians are fighting, our economy is teetering on the cliff, The NFL will be on strike and Mel Gibson is in love, again.

Just ask the dinosaurs, they know my street cred

Right out of a Hollywood script a Tennessee lawmaker, Julia Hurley, carved her initials in her desk during a longer than expected session in the state house. here is her quote:
“It was like 1 in the morning on the last day of the session,” she said. “I wasn't thinking straight.” 

Living in Florida should not allow me to speak on the lack of qualification that our leaders have, we beach bums have had our grievances with those who allegedly represent us but I don't want to "Recount" that today. Get it recount.....hahahahaha not really funny it was a long 8 years.
I do expect the good people of Tennessee don't want their elected officials using the term "Like" or OMG or BFF or LOL or any other assorted text driven diluted excuse for the English language.

Carving initials reminds me of high school when some dull educator droned on about something and all I wanted to do was to ever last my memory on the once proud tree, carving ones initials is not for elected officials that are bored and tired as if in algebra class just praying for the bell. I bet the knuckleheads in the volunteer state that punched that name on the ballot are now wanting to punch themselves for voting the former Hooters waitress to the State House of Representatives. Nothing wrong with being a Hooters waitress, I myself have helped many of them get through college with my love of their wings and generous portions of fries and not to mention their colorful and eye catching costumes.

Look at those delicious........

I don't want to bash representative Hurley too much because she is just an extension of the vapid society that we have become, wrestling and monster truck shows pull more audience than election year debates and more people voted for American Idol than the last election and why do we need to know the every move of the ones named Kardashian?
I have no clue or any answer on how we will all survive the pending meteor as I sit on a beach in Florida bronzing my sausages while writing this post. Will some of us survive and be part of a post apocalyptic society where our new officials will be elected on their ability to fight off hordes of marauders? if so then my vote goes to Vin Diesel or Hulk Hogan or even Representative Julia Hurley at least we know she is good with a knife.
Got to go I hear the ice cream man coming.......I am thinking mint chocolate chip.

Hooters girl turned State Representative aka all American success story

Monday, July 11, 2011

Voice Not Recognized

I bit the bullet and bought a new smart phone but who determines what is smart and what is not smart?
On said pocket laptop cell phone is an app for voice dialing, simply press the screen on the appropriate place and say what you want the phone to do. The tutorial for this is simple, it shows a young man about 25 casually walking down a busy New York street while walking a wee dog, his phone in one hand while he whispers gently to the electronic bastard "Call Cindy" next thing you see is dear Cindy answering the phone "We still on for tonight?" says the young tech savvy genius while casually strolling down 5th avenue on his way for a frappa cappa cup of  $6 coffee. 
Well if this Manhattan metro sexual can do it so can the Sausage, right? WRONG.
Apparently when the pocket protector crowd were in the midst of making the world a better place they forgot one thing - 

I speak gently to my beloved phone "Call Jake" the command beams from my mouth and the satellites buzz with possible actions and return this -"Call the police" WTF? call the police no, I am trying to call my youngest bairn (Jake) while driving and eating at the same time how bloody safe is that. So I try again
softer this time and with a wee bit of southern drawl mixed in for good measure I say the words "Call Jake cell"
The result - Open barcode scanner. Again WTF I am now yelling at my new beloved device "Why would I need a barcode scanner while driving? can I scan the wrapper of the fast food to see how many calories I scarfed between red lights?
That evening I dove in to the tutorial and saw that the available languages on the phone were the usual suspects for a pre loaded device and are apparently based on salad dressing sales - English, Italian, French, Russian, Chinese and so on but no Scottish. No Dundonian or Glaswegian, anyone out there want to join me in the grassroots effort to have a new app available - Voice recognition for Scots? I know at least 5 million people who could use it.
Here is an example of what I am talking about, two Scots stuck in an lift (elevator) trying voice commands.
Peace, Sausage...