Friday, October 29, 2010

1 More Mouth To Feed

I decided to go out and take a few pictures of historical buildings in my city, as I was about to pack it in for the day I heard the unmistakable crying of a wee kitty and I saw him under a pile of old wood, he was stuck in an abandoned lumber yard.
He was starving and filthy my gut told me to walk away but my heart couldn't, I called my wife and she was able to get a hold of him and brought him to the Humane Society, he had a fever so they would not take him. It was either have him put down on the spot or take him home, so after a bath and some medication here is the little bugger that now lives in my house.
I am supposed to be a rough and tumble, drinking and fighting Scotsman, but I was melted by a kitten. Oh well even tough guys shed a tear now and then.....

Dirty Cat
Mad Cat
Soaked Cat
Cool Cat

Lucky little bastard.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What are you going as for "Dress like a slut day"

When did Halloween become about women dressing up in the sluttiest outfit they could find? I appreciate the female form as much as the next guy, but what happened to Halloween being all about ghost, ghouls and monsters?
Every costume made for women has to have the word "sexy" in front of it. Sexy nurse, sexy witch, sexy pirate, sexy maid, sexy cowgirl and even sexy girl scout.
Ladies, it seems that Halloween is a convenient excuse to dress slutty then may I suggest a new holiday. Lets call it "Dress like a slut day" maybe in July since it's already hot and you could go skimpy with the garments, then we could leave Halloween for the children.
On "Dress like a slut day" ladies could don the fishnets and ho pumps, push up the puppies and even throw in a strategically placed garter. Do as you feel be creative. Just don't be pissed when approached by men in vans asking the age old question Hey baby how much? Do I look like a whore? Yes you do. Well I am not a whore, it's dress like a slut day. Oh I am sorry I forgot it was dress like a slut day, I better stop and get my wife a card I know she loves "Dress like a slut day."
These are actual ads from a Halloween costume website, scary aren't they....
The Sexy Pirate
The Sexy Cowgirl

The sexy chamber maid

The sexy Indian Chick???
The sexy nurse, not on you insurance plan

Monday, October 25, 2010

Why I love her

The big day is almost here, the 16th anniversary of the day she said "I do" I am reminded every day why I love her, I have worked side by side with her for 11 years and she has not cut me once.
I love her the most for letting me be me, letting the crazy marinate and the sometimes creative out to vent.
I love her for her calmness and her simple farm raised point of view.
I love the way she still loves her father as she did as a child.
I love how she views the world, trusting yet not exactly wide open. 
I love that she tried and fell in love with Indian food, and is now a junkie.
This list could go on and on so I will save the best for last
I just love her.

Happy anniversary Kim.
Love, Brian aka Sausage Fingers

Our wee chapel in the mountains

Friday, October 22, 2010

Do you have dirty balls?

When the likes of Don Draper and his ashtray licking cohorts of MADMEN were traipsing around the advertising world, I wonder if they know the evolution of the commercial would lead to this. The latest ad from AXE body wash is a good old tongue in cheek classic, it definitely gets direct to the point in a clean, soapy way. Enjoy.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

When the internet was invented, was this what they had in mind?

 I just figured out that this blog site has a traffic report, not that I bother with the minutiae of who is visiting from where and why am I not getting any attention from moms in Malaysia.  I was bored and decided to play around with the setting and to my surprise there it was, the stats button along with all the information a 'stat guy' would need. Such life affirming stats as where my traffic is coming from, who is my audience and how many people have looked at Sausage today.

Look the only reason I write this dribble is that it is cheaper than therapy and if a therapist got into my head they would surely quit and move to Auckland or join the Whale Wars boat crew and try to forget the question they asked: "So Sausage, tell me what is bothering you"
Back to this nonsense about traffic, under the tab 'Search Keywords' the following was listed. I was shocked and amazed what some people actually typed into a computer, even more freaked out that they stumbled across my blog. Here goes.
 The following are the results listed on my traffic report, my comments are after.
They call me Sausage Fingers 15 - Looks like 15 people found their way.
Sausage Fingers 2 Another 2 converts for the cause.

Smoke my sausaage - I am hoping that this was for a BBQ recipe.

Unshaved women at - Alright now who typed this into a computer? miss the 70's

Any type of bull riding toys - ????? WTF is the internet broken?

Beautiful woman fingered man - Come on now I hope you don't lump my blog with this stuff

Blacked out drunk and fell  - Yes, someone on the right track. The internet is working again.
Can you loose your virginity to a Sausage  - Only if you have a time machine and my wife says ok.

Girls with sausage fingers - I hope this was not linked with the other question, yikes.
That's it folks the wonderful  world of online blogging, be careful what you type you never know where it will show up.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Once I was Superman, now I am the Invisible Man

Once able to leap tall buildings and fix a bike chain in a flash, once gifted with the title of  "worlds strongest daddy" A true super hero able to curl  a free kick in from 25 yards now just a distraction from texting.
Pre-teens are and parents - the oil and vinegar of life.

When my wife and I were blessed with the news that we would be parents we rushed out and bought all the necessary books like: What to expect when you are expecting, Babyhood by Paul Reiser and You and your tender nipples, a new mom's guide to breastfeeding. Alright I made the last one up don't Google it if you are at work, it's not cool and might get you fired.
The one book not available way back in 1998 was: How this little bundle of joy will do his best to ignore you in 2010. Thanks a bunch Simon and Schuster, where were you on that one.

So fast forward 12 years and a flood of hormones later, the wee bundle of joy is now embarrassed to be seen in public with the man that bought all of those bloody books and the once tender nippled mother(They sprung back to original shape and are awesome)
The day of school orientation my wife and I had to walk a few yards behind the golden child to spare him the shame of having ma and pa tailing his every move.  What is a man to do? no book published or web page listed can help with this change in a father's life, he must speak to his own father. Yes, the man who has suffered the same anguish, the man who now sees the torture of his own son and knows what to do.

My father's advice: Leave him alone, let him experience a wee bit of his own life but keep the reigns tightish and reel his ass in when you think he needs to be reeled in. He also told me that when I was that same age as my son I went through the same phase, only talking to good old Pa when I needed something, like a pair of Addidas Beckenbauer football boots. Remember when football boots were black and had six metal studs and laces? I do.

A funny guide for first time dads

Old school boots, we wore them until they fell off

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

It Took Me Six Months, But I Was Finally Paid To Shoot Someone

April 8th 2010, the day I wrote the blog: "Photography, she said." about my new years resolution and the resulting action that came later.
The last six months have been hectic to say the least, the gang and I learning the tricks of the trade of sports photography, studying in class, practicing at the football matches and anywhere anyone would let us shoot them.
I have over the last six months become accustomed to having a huge camera and lens around my neck and to people posing and acting as if I was the paparazzi and they were on the red carpet.
This past weekend we had our first paying job, a soccer tournament with a huge sponsor name, we shot Saturday, printed about 1000 4x6 action shots on Saturday night and sold at the tournament Sunday.
Overall the entire weekend was a success, we sold a ton of the photos and even walked away with a profit after expenses. The last six months served studying and practicing were not wasted.
I am hoping that the two business I run, the two kids I finance and the world's best wife will now give me a wee break to do some much needed blogging. I don't want to snap under the pressure and shoot someone with something that is not a Nikon.

The Sausage returns 10/12/2010