Monday, October 18, 2010

Once I was Superman, now I am the Invisible Man

Once able to leap tall buildings and fix a bike chain in a flash, once gifted with the title of  "worlds strongest daddy" A true super hero able to curl  a free kick in from 25 yards now just a distraction from texting.
Pre-teens are and parents - the oil and vinegar of life.

When my wife and I were blessed with the news that we would be parents we rushed out and bought all the necessary books like: What to expect when you are expecting, Babyhood by Paul Reiser and You and your tender nipples, a new mom's guide to breastfeeding. Alright I made the last one up don't Google it if you are at work, it's not cool and might get you fired.
The one book not available way back in 1998 was: How this little bundle of joy will do his best to ignore you in 2010. Thanks a bunch Simon and Schuster, where were you on that one.

So fast forward 12 years and a flood of hormones later, the wee bundle of joy is now embarrassed to be seen in public with the man that bought all of those bloody books and the once tender nippled mother(They sprung back to original shape and are awesome)
The day of school orientation my wife and I had to walk a few yards behind the golden child to spare him the shame of having ma and pa tailing his every move.  What is a man to do? no book published or web page listed can help with this change in a father's life, he must speak to his own father. Yes, the man who has suffered the same anguish, the man who now sees the torture of his own son and knows what to do.

My father's advice: Leave him alone, let him experience a wee bit of his own life but keep the reigns tightish and reel his ass in when you think he needs to be reeled in. He also told me that when I was that same age as my son I went through the same phase, only talking to good old Pa when I needed something, like a pair of Addidas Beckenbauer football boots. Remember when football boots were black and had six metal studs and laces? I do.

A funny guide for first time dads

Old school boots, we wore them until they fell off


  1. Do you remember when your own father stopped being an irritating embarrassment to you? Focus on that time, it will arrive in the blink of an eye. My son's 25 now, and I can barely remember him at 12.

    I thought football boots still looked like that, blimey I'll have to pay more attention during the next world cup.

  2. Yep, ignore the little buggers.

    Unless they're smarting off. You're still the dad. No need for anyone to be disrespectful.