Wednesday, September 14, 2011

My beard is called Joe Steel

At some point in a man's life he is destined to grow a beard, that is to say that a man will at least try to let his face grow long without the silent jeers and sideways looks of those among his inner circle. Today is my day and my beard is ready for the world.

My beard is strong and wise and would be given two thumbs up by Dusty Hill and Billy Gibbons although not quite as long and creepy as the aforementioned Texans, I am proud of my chin whiskers but feel that my crumb catchers days are numbered.

Ladies - want to  keep your bum warm in winter?

 The Wife: I always assumed that a little chin tickle would aid the little man in the boat and his perpetual journey for stimulation, but the wife hates facial hair more that two days old, claims that even a wee kiss is like making out with sandpaper attached to a chainsaw held by Michael J. Fox. To soon?
My apologies to Mr. Fox, I was a big fan of "The secret of my success"
and even looked into becoming a limo driver.

The Family: Although both parents were raised among the flower people of the 60's and looking back at their choice of wardrobe in the 70's I thought that my father walking about the town in clogs and my mother wearing a beehive on her head would afford them the luxury of free spirit as it pertains to their offspring. I was wrong, like the wife they despise Joe Steel and together they plot his demise.

The Children: My two boys love Joe Steel, they like to scratch him and pretend daddy is a lumberjack or one of those ice road truckers or even a young Chuck Norris sans the conservative viewpoints.

Sadly for Joe Steel his life must come to an end, his struggle with universal acceptance was lost, Joe Steel offered the world his middle finger as to their dislike of his presence but that was not enough. At the end of the day the face that Joe rested on missed the ever so delicate touch of the wife and grew tired of the isolation that Joe caused him. Don't worry about Joe he is alive and well and living in seclusion underground, waiting patiently for the wife to go out of town so he can rise again. R.I.P. amigo....

Friends of Joe...
Ass Kicking Beard

Beard, James Beard
Metro Sexual Beard
Curvy Beard
Beard with built in water dispenser
Stay Hairy My Friends

Teasing little men in boats all over the globe


  1. I'm actually sporting a nice wee 7 or 8 day shadow at the moment, the wife is not a fan however I did (scarily) receive a compliment from her 60 year old auntie the other day...a good reason to grab ma Gillette.

  2. Ryan - 60 year old auntie!!! I guess it's good to know you have other options..
    Stay hairy my friend

  3. The MoS is now sporting a goatee, which is the precursor to a full-on beard for winter. Apparently he does this every year. It's too great a temperature difference between winter and summer here for the facial hair to stay year-round. The mustache is always around, though. I quite like the facial hair. But it needs to get past a week's worth of growing to soften up. Prior to that, it's like a sandpaper scrub every time I kiss the man! Sorry to hear your lovely wife doesn't appreciate Joe Steel.

  4. I'm with the wife. I hate it when MTL has even a day's stubble. Makes me think of Skid Row. at least he only needs to shave once a day now.

  5. I had a beard in me thirties. Then again, I had hair (on me noggin) in me thirties! I grew a beard again a few years ago during a quiet spell on the music scene. It made me 'look my age' according to my many female fans. All 5 of them agreed it had to go! I agree, I look at least 7 months younger without it!

    My guitar player grew a moustache. I only noticed it half way through our set last Saturday night. Yes, it's that bad! :¬)

  6. I cannot grow a proper beard. It comes in in ridiculous patches. I think I might have a testosterone deficiency. I'm not bragging. I hate it.

  7. Ponita - Must remember that for next time Joe comes to visit...

  8. Pat - SKID ROW!!! they were a good band in the 80's, I guess growing up in South Florida and dressing like Don Johnson from Miami Vice formed my opinion on facial stubble...

  9. Map - I am willing tae bet you left oot a zero or two when referrinng tae yer adoring hoardes of female fans....
    Must have been a long bloody set...
    Cheers, Sausage.

  10. UB - Kind of like and Ethan Hawke splotch beard? I have seen them it looks like the beard was painted on by a 2 year old while sneezing.(No offense)
    I guess being a descendant of the kilted ones favors my stubble, the problem is that after a couple of weeks I start to look like Grizzly Adams and find myself looking over my shoulder for "Ben"

  11. As a beardy myself I agree, great video and scene aswell from a great movie and yes I admit it.

  12. Lurker - admiting it is the first step to....shaving?
    all the best.

  13. Hello Gary I salute you with an an honorary scratch..

  14. I'm no expert in these matters, but I think that the kind of little nautical men that Clooney's chin gets near prefer moustaches

  15. First a little Joe Steel, next......manscaping.

  16. Glen - Either way he is still the master of little men in boats...

  17. Mrs. Tuna - Joe at his peak was way past mascaping it would take a hedge trimmer to scape that...

  18. Sean the not so plastic celt.
    You have decided to take away my nationality based on an opinion so as per you I am no longer qualified to comment as a full blooded Scot then I will offer my rebuttal in the dialogue of my current home.
    Here goes: Fuck you asshole!!!

    Who the Fuck are you? What qualifies you as an expert? Are you an armchair quarterback?(That's American for all talk and no action or someone who criticises from the living room)
    Are you not sick of your national team not qualifying for anything or are you content with your glasgow teams crashing out of Europe tails tucked beneath their legs and consolation money in hand ready to thrash some smaller club?

    People like you are the fucking problem and having the balls big enough to call me a man with no country when I have stood with my father in your golden glasgow palaces and listened to your outdated sectarian shite...oops I mean shit(Sorry for acting like a Scottish mongrel)

    What facts are you referring to? Are you upset that I called the glasgow teams shite? Sorry I mean shit, there I go again acting like a plastic Scotsman, it must be the many years of drinking margaritas on the beach that has warped my mind.

    And what is the might of Glasgow you are referring to? is it the smell?

    I am also confused about your statement:
    I Recently dared to opened my pie hole? What the fuck is that? I am a grown man and no one tells me what to say or pulls my strings.

    Assholes who make threats from far away hold no ground with me pal but here is one from me to you. If you can gather enough singles to get your ass(American for arse) over to Disney World, I will be the big man waiting at the airport with the baseball bat(Like a cricket bat but not flat) the bat will have your fucking name on it. Want to see how much Scottish I still have left in me? then bring it.

    As far as the tae, fae and doon goes well they remind me of home which you have unsuccessfully tried to take from me. And by the way nice use of the word "putz" what kind of mongrelised wanna be yank are you? Talk like a glaswegian would you.

    I do wish you and your all powerful club(s) the best in Europe.....Oops. Now go crawl back tae yer feckin cave Asshole.
    Ps. Have a nice day.

  19. Sean - One last thing.
    I just noticed there is no way to contact you, If you are man enough to call someone out then have the balls to post your contact info so one can respond to your allegations.

  20. Well said Sausage. I was unfortunate enough to have received a visit from Sean earlier in the week, only he used the slightly worrying alias "up the ra" which shows him up for what he really is. A bigot who believes it's acceptable to promote and support terrorist groups in this day and age, nice guy.

    Although maybe we shouldn't be too hard on Sean this week, perhaps he's been through a lot recently. His team got humped 4-2 from the blue pile of shite and no doubt he's been taking stick all week from his work mates or more likely the other wasters in the dole queue.

    Or maybe he was one of the 142 wife beaters (which is nearly treble the amount of a usual Sunday) that were jailed on Sunday as a direct result of the Old Firm game, "the mighty Glasgow?" HAH "cowardly bastards" would be more apt.

    A sad deluded wee man with far too much time on his hands.

  21. Wait a minute....You are a third generation Irish American? Sean, you have me confused.

    Your diatribe on my lack of knowledge of Scottish football along with your defense of Glasgow made me think that you might still be at parkhead or Ibrox(You can google them)but now you are stating that you are American! How is it possible that you can blame me for having a lack of knowledge when it is you that is hiding behind some false persona?

    Since we do not know each other and you have stated that you are American then how can you falsely accuse a natural born Scotsman that has been to every ground in the SPL as having a lack of knowledge of Scottish football?
    How many grounds have you visited? ever stepped foot in the highlands? ever tasted a Tannadice pie?

    Here is your problem as far as I am concerned You are clinging to a celtic heritage based on a place that you were not born, I get it who would not want to be Scottish or Irish especially here in the states where both cultures are celebrated with many numbers. But not actually having stood in the freezing rain next to your father while you team is getting hammered and having the eternal fire for your club burn in your belly as it does for your father and his father before him makes you the mongrel.

    If you are as you say here in the states and are pretending to be a "Not plastic" Scotman or Irishman or whatever persona you have today then my friend you are the Vanilla Ice of the genre aka WORLD'S BIGGEST POSER...

    I have turned on commment moderation because you leave comments with no way of return contact, or as I would say - cowardly commenting, you can e-mail me if you like and I will post your rebuttle if you include a contact destination, if not then piss off.
    I wish you only the best in your future and do the world a favor, grow up.

  22. I LOVE facial hair on a guy! Definitely hawt!

  23. I'm growing mine. (:

    You have a nice blog. :D

  24. Pesos - cheers brother and good luck with the whiskers

  25. Boobies - The single vote of yes from the ladies...cheers

  26. i miss my beard! +followed, come check my blog out when you get the chance!

  27. i'd love to grow my beard again, but my darth vader sleep apnoea mask don't fit with the all the hair - man ;(