Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Indie Ink: Dream Weaver

This is a response to the Indie Ink Challenge for this week, the prompt from bewilderedbug caused me a few sleepless nights and forced me to start my love affair with single malt highland whisky - again.
The following is a result of my whisky coma and bewildered bugs interesting mind.
Cheers, Sausage...

I was asked to write a dialogue between
Obama, Gandhi, Hitler, Blaze Star and Dita Von Teese 

President Obama is standing at the press podium and in front of him are:
Hitler, Gandhi, Blaze Star and Dita Von Teese.

Obama - Welcome ladies and gentlemen I will now take questions from the audience. 

Gandhi - Mr President, can you tell me this: does your toilet paper load from the back or the front? this is a question the world needs to know.

Obama - Well ahem, actually the staff loads the toilet paper so whatever they do is fine.

Gandhi - Mr. President you are dodging my question, please give me an answer.

Hitler - Well if four eyes is finished I have a question. Mr. President, you have been in the oval office now for three years, can you tell me this: What is it like? is it awesome? can I shadow you for a day? pleeeeaseee. Hell is so boring and the devil keeps asking for my advice, I will bring snacks.

Obama - Devils food cake?

Hitler - No, deviled eggs.

Blaze - Me next darling, is it hot in here or is it just you, (Starts stripping) Happy Birthday Mr. President...happy birthday to you.

Gandhi - My glasses are fogging up. 

Blaze - Mr. President, who do you believe is the better burlesque dancer me or the skank over there?

Dita - Who you callin' skank, I am a performance artist not a stripper.

Hitler - Ladies, ladies, do not fight come back with me to my secret bunker and we can discuss this and have some cyanide err I mean wine, yes lovely wine.

Gandhi - Can I come along?

Hitler - No way buzzkill you could suck the fun out of Christmas.

Obama - Look, I think the both of you ladies are very charming but as a married man I will not comment on which one like better. (Mutters under breath) The red head.

Obama - Ms. Von Teese did you have a question?

Von Teese - 34C-23-33.

Obama - Sorry I don't understand the question?

Von Teese - Starts stripping - you see these are my pole numbers 34C-23-33

Obama - Did you poll well in Iowa?

Von Teese - No silly my stripper pole numbers, I never work in Iowa it's a hard nipple state.

Gandhi - Oh dear my pole is growing in numbers as we speak.

Blaze - Holy pepperoni stick look at the tent that Gandhi is pitching.

Hitler - Now I know why he wears the robe.

Gandhi - Small things come in big wait it is big things come in small packages.

Obama - Speaking of small packages, Hitler when are you due back in hell?

Hitler - I have a luncheon with Bernie Madoff, Ken Lay from Enron and Kim Kardashian.

Obama - But Kim Kardashian is not dead.

Hitler - Oh I know but after she sold her soul to the devil she has to check in once a month plus I think Bernie has a little crush on her. We are having soup.

Dita - Kim Kardashian, that no talent hack.

Blaze - Reminds me of you.

Obama - Alright everyone time for one last question. Hitler you have your hand up go ahead.

Hitler - Sorry I was practicing my "Hails" for the annual hell day parade but I have one more question. Have you seen the one they call "Hillary" naked?

President Obama wakes up and realizes that this was all a bad dream, he ponders his day ahead. Fight with republicans, battle media pressure, work on re-election......decides to stay in bed.


  1. I wasn't going to read this at first, thinking is was going to be a long-winded, overwrought plea for world peace. So refreshing that it wasn't. Great reading for a rainy (floody) morning.

  2. Kim - thanks, I really had no idea what to write about and you only get a few days to respond to a propmt given my some one else...

  3. interesting read, sugar! seriously, great concept and execution. xoxoxo

  4. I know only the first three guys, dont know the other two guys

  5. Linux - The two ladies are burlesque dancers/strippers/fetish performers

  6. LOl. Maybe I should indulge in some whiskey (you forgot to share) because I am still struggling with my Hemingway prompt.

    This was quite funny!

  7. Drama - Cheers to you and thanks for making me dig so deep....

  8. Extremely funny! And correct (from a bird's eye view - no the bird isn't flesh and blood).

  9. Amy - thanks, a wee birdie once told me....

  10. *snort*

    the next time you get to script anything with Dita, please just have the rest of them leave the room so she can ring me up, ok?

  11. Daisey - you, dita and me with my camera. Deal?

  12. Bwhahahahahaha! This is fantastic.

    For the record, I love Dita!

  13. Boobies - glad you liked it, another fan of Dita I see

  14. Married my backside - Obama would so have got it on with Dita - what kind of a messed up nightmare would involve you thinking of your wife when you are sat there with them two?

    For that matter what would be the point of being the president of the US of A if you can't get away with a bit of Jiggery Pokery? Bring back Bill I say - he knew how to get things done properly

  15. I saw this prompt and thanked god I didn't get it. You killed it. Going the humorous route was perfect. This was a 5 sausage piece ;)

  16. Very imaginative for one so young. I wasn't familiar with the ladies either.

  17. Hah, that's not bad, but Gandhi would have definitely invited both ladies for a naked-in-the-bed celibate sleepover. And Hitler seems to have mellowed with age and misfortune...

  18. Quality mate, off to Youtube to check out the burlesque strippers for educational purposes only of course. Keep drinking the malt.

  19. Glen - Every time I enjoy a cigar I think of him.

  20. Ryan - enjoy your "Research" I will tip a few in your name....