Monday, November 29, 2010

My Bachelor Weekend

Where the hell is the remote?

This past weekend I had a very rare thing happen - Mrs. Sausage and the boys went to visit family in another state, leaving me behind to catch up with gold old me. Ah the peace and quiet of an empty house, no soap operas spewing shite and no Spongebob annoying the normal out of me just me, the dog and the sofa.
The first few hours were brilliant, football was on so I decided to soak up the manliness from the tube.(Wait, that sounds weird) lets rephrase that as - I watched enough football to make my face melt like those crazy Germans from Indiana Jones and the something or other. End day 1.

The next day after walking the dog (Not a sausage) I decided to cook a nice meal, I turned on the television to see if there was a possibility of a secret football game I might have missed. That turned into me sitting on the sofa eating curry out of a pot with a wooden spoon, my shirt as the napkin and last nights stale pint to wash it down.
Next on the agenda - nap.
The rest of the weekend consisted of - more naps, making  sandwiches, finish another six pack, scratch stuff, order Chinese, watch more t.v., frantically search for batteries for the remote, check e-mail, walk the not sausage dog again, contemplate showering, changing clothes and combing hair, decide not to shower, change clothes or comb hair.
By Sunday afternoon I was bored out of my skull, I missed the hell out of the noise makers and the Mrs. I could not wait to talk to someone in person rather than scream at my fantasy players while stuffing my gob with some mystery meat from the back of the fridge. I was lonely.
I received the call that they were on their way and would be home in a couple of hours.
I showered, changed clothes and brushed my hair. I scraped the contents of the living room table into the trash and discarded the evidence. Later that night when asked by the Mrs. "So what did you do this weekend?"
I answered  - "Not much, I read a book or two, took the dog for a long run and cleaned the house"
The moral of the story - without women men are and will always be - CAVEMEN.
A huge thanks to all the mothers, wives and girlfriends out there that keep us men out of the cave
another weekend like that I would have to be cut  from the sofa and forklifted to the hospital.
Cheers ladies....

I am home alone therefore I wear no pants.


  1. guess what? outside of walking the dog, that's sounds like my life here when the MITM is out of town. so maybe it's not gender specific, sugar! ;~D xoxoxo

    (case in point, thanksgiving day was spent in jammies watching dvd's and football and eating roast beef sandwiches!)

  2. Savannah - A true cavewoman indeed.

  3. Sometimes I have days like that too, except no sports (unless there's horse stuff on), usually not even any tv. More likely a book and the computer. So it really isn't gender specific. Although the eating out of the pot might be... ;-)

  4. I echo the other girls here, when left alone I turn into the slob from hell, I've even gone for a whole week without showering. And I often eat scrambled eggs straight out of the pot (to save on washing up) while standing at the kitchen counter. So we probably need each other to keep us right (men and women, that is, not you and me).

  5. I'm the same when the fam is away (a rare thing, thankfully!). But I hate cooking for one so I just eat raw steaks and crack eggs straight into my mouth! As for showering, you'd be amazed how long a KFC towelette can last! :¬)

  6. Map, that is just gross..... ;-)

  7. This post made me smile and shake my head. Men. Sigh.

  8. Map - KFC towelette - a bit wee but handy indeed
    Ponita - I need to talk to you about horses someday
    Eryl - Men don't want to think of our ladies as slobs, just pretty little pictures ready at a whim
    PGreen - We is what we is.....

  9. i knew i had to come and read what all y'all had to say! super nana is right, we are too funny for words! xoxoxox

  10. Having no brothers or sisters and pretty much my whole life being single (bar a couple of weeks here and there) I worried that I might find it hard to adapt to married life. All those years of being an independent spirit I thought I would miss. I need not have been concerned any day that I am not working and I have to spend it alone waiting for her to come home I pretty much go out my mind. I can't remember what the hell I used to do with my time. Maybe I went for a drive, or went for a cycle run or watched some tv but none of it seems the same now without her, she has me whooped.

  11. Before my hubby leaves town, he makes lots of big dinners and freezes the leftovers for me. We both know that I can't even boil frozen peas. I won't even tell you what the house looks like until one hour before his return.

    I do cry like a little girl, though, when I can't get the TV remote to work.

  12. I found the same thing a few weeks ago when the infamous Mrs Smith spent a few days in Aberdeen. I looked forward to some peace and quiet and I enjoyed it - but I was happy when she came back. But don't tell her I said that...

  13. Mike - your secret is safe with me, I will always honor the "Man code"