Attention HOA - FU

Mr. Sausage, cut the grass, fix the fence, take down that flag. Or else!

  

Does anyone know if the Tardis is available? I might need it to take a wee jaunt back in time.

For those of you reading this that don't know about the Tardis

  then take a look here.

Back in 2006 or as I call it when people had money to spend the better half and I bought a new home in a deed restricted community with a home owners association (HOA) The HOA included many covenants and rules which at the time seemed to be logical and sensible, of course the community was not finished and the covenants were only paper rules without a human to enforce them. Now the community is finished, promises of a gated community, pool, playground and other assorted sales bullshit went out the window with the construction crews and the neighborhood HOA was turned over to actual human residents. 

I don't know about you but I am not the type of person to run for a board position for a HOA, It seems to me that the prototypical HOA board member is a self loathing son of a bitch that was never was invited to prom and is now hell bent on making sure that his/her neighbors grass is not higher that the 3.25" level as stated in covenant rule 4.3/landscaping. 

How I wish I could jump in said Tardis and fly back to 2006 when we closed on this house and calmly get up and walk of the sales presentation, but alas the Tardis is probably busy and I am dealing with the neighborhood version of Attila the Hun. A few months back the HOA sent out letters to the community stating that the border fence is in need of replacement, then went about passing a covenant stating that each homeowner is responsible for maintaining their own section of fence. Well how bloody convenient noticing that just in time for the the homeowners to have to dip into their own pockets and save your fucking HOA a few thousand. Bastards....

Part two of this rant - we had a mother of a storm here the other night and guess who's fence blew down, yup yours truly is one of 3 or 4 homeowners that were back doored by the lovely consideration of the HOA.

Some of the other rules and regulations of the local Gestapo HOA are as follows:

We have a beautiful lake that the kids are not allowed to fish, visit, walk around or even look at, no yard signs or flags, landscape changes to property must be approved by the Landscape Board, basketball hoops are frowned upon and when the neighborhood kids play hide and seek the local police are called in for a "Disturbance"

Down the road in Orlando, Fl. a local HOA tried to enforce one of the saddest and most ridiculous covenants of all time -  get ready for it - here it comes-
CHILDREN ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY OUTSIDE.

Can you believe that? telling little Johnny that he can't ride his bike for fear of the $100 fine for playing outside, sounds like a rule sponsored by X-BOX or the Cartoon Network. I don't abdicate violence here but if approached by a neighborhood Nazi trying to enforce that rule fists would fly and blood would spill. If desirous of a stepfordian lifestyle then be my guest but this average man will never again own a home in a neighborhood with other peoples rules.

America was once the land of the free and the home of the brave but in 2011 do we need to change that to: the land of the restricted and the home of the covenants?  Fly your flags people.......fly your flags.

Here is the story of the local HOA trying to ban kids from playing outside

  

I feel a fine coming!

PS. The benefits of membership - annual payments of about $600 from 75 homes to the HOA. We pay the dues so you fix the damn fence!!!