Friday, January 21, 2011

Yes Sir, This Is The Minivan For You It Has A Built-In DVD Player

  In  my 20's  it was all about - Sex, drugs and rock 'n roll
   my  worries were - Is she single and where can I eat for $5 or less

In my 30's it was all about - Love, marriage, babies, career, minivan
 my worries were - better start a college fund and why am I driving a freaking minivan.

  In my 40's it's all about  - same as 30's with the added stress of having a preteen in the house  and the constant parade of preteen girls in front of the house, knowing what it was like to be a preteen boy and remembering what I wanted as a preteen boy. 
Also my wardrobe now consists of shit from Sears aka "Sensible dad attire"
The minivan is dead :)

I see older men walking about town some are balding and some have hanging bellies, one trait I notice about them is that the majority of them seem to be happy. Their physical appearance has come and gone like a ship in the night, no longer the cock of the walk or the king of the pride, their sexuality does not seem to be priority any more.

 From the time boys start ogling the fairer sex until the coffin lid closes seeking the adoration of women seems to be the paramount goal, not to say that us married men are out there poaching and chasing tail (except for Tiger and Favre) but we still see ourselves are viable sexual beings. But as we cosmically hurdle towards the middle ground do we loose that infinite desire to be attractive, are we more concerned with our short game and putting stroke or that our football team will be purchased by a Russian oligarch and given a blank check for next season?
(From my lips to God's ear) 
PS. Dear lord we need a striker and a goalie.

I suppose most older men are happily married and have raised their kids, some have a few coins put away for their retirement and seem to be glad to be over the mid life crisis. Understanding that the need to mate and populate has come and gone, now it's time for them to pass the wisdom on to the next generation of wide eyed lads.

I have quite a few years to go until I hit the half century but I have noticed the slowing down of the once athletic body, These are some of the recent signs:

 * No longer am I able to stay up past midnight murdering pints marinated
    in whisky and expect to function the next day.

Loosing to my 12 year old in a foot race. Yes I said 12 years old,
    he is as fast as Hermes.
* Not being able to sustain myself on pizza and accepting bran in my life, yum.

* Actually wanting to visit the doctor without the sharp prod of the wife. 

  I am sure that there are many more to come so for now I will keep on keeping on and do the best I can, at least I live in a country where the cost of health care and medicine is affordable. 

Oh shit.....
"Honey, pass me the bran..."


  1. don't write off your sexual self in your 50's, honey! i've found that with just a little encouragement, such gentlemen can rediscover the horned beast within! more reasons why i shall never be a cougar - nothing personal, but men in their 20's and 30's are kinda self-absorbed and full of pointless dreams and ambitions... nothing like the passion that comes from finally realizing your days are numbered...

  2. Being in my early 50's and having started dating again a couple years ago, I categorically have avoided younger men (more than 5 years my junior? Run along, Junior) for the reasons daisyfae states, but also because I have nothing in common with them. I can also categorically state that I have had the best sex of my life in the recent past... and I mean that in all honesty! And he's older than me. So don't think you and your nether regions are dead by middle age... oh no, not at all! The worries of kids and birth control are gone and if you look after yourself healthwise, you'll be like a fine wine: better with age and best savoured slowly. :-)

  3. I have two daughters and because I know exactly what pre-teen and, worse, teen boys are after, I am trying with all my might to steer both of them into a gay lifestyle. The last thing I want is some creep in a beat-up Trans-Am that leaks oil on my driveway beeping the horn expecting her to come out to the car. I can handle another girl picking her up. But guys? I know what they're after.

  4. Here! Here! Daisyfae & Ponita in Real Life!
    I can't say it any better!

    Wonderfully insightful post...


  5. BRAN?

    Pass me some Pablum, please...and a large spoon with that bib, OK?

    I'm from "...goddess"

  6. I love bran muffins! I was already hooked on them when I learned that they were good for you. Here in Scotland, I feel so lonely: bran might as well be Kryptonite.

    Don't you miss the weather, midges, and the NHS just a little? ;)

  7. Fifty is the new thirty, don't ya know?

    Seriously. It's FUN!

  8. Daisyfae - horned beast ? do I need a prescription for that?

    Ponita - Thanks, I am uncorking a bottle or 2 tonight.

    UB aka King of NYC - funny thing is that the girls are as equally agressive as the boys! If I had a nickel for everytime the doorbell wrang and outside stood a gaggle of young lasses, then I would be able to fund a NYC holiday on coin alone. Good luck with the bairns(Kids)

    S.T.U.F.F. - thank you
    Steve E - yuck, the bran is hard enough

    Mary - no on the weather (I'm in Florida) midges are replaced with skeeters, the ER's here are great but do expect a massive bill. My Oldest sont fell into some thick shrub and had a thorn lodged in his thigh, $700 later it was out. I kept the thorn for future juvenile blackmail.

    Janie Girl - I would say that I can't wait but I will. Thanks..

  9. I'm only a few years behind you, now I'm on a downer.

  10. Very close to you in age, I suspect, and concur, for the most part.

    Congrats on the POTW from the Goddess!!


  11. Have you had the experience of working for someone much younger than you? The first time my boss was younger than me it was hard to accept. But after that first experience the other ones were nothing.
    Also you may have heard about the "here after" problem. You find yourself in a room wondering what did I come here after.

  12. Ryan - Chin up lad, chin up.
    Pearl - Ta on the award and likewise.
    lisleman - I forgot what I wanted to say.....

  13. SF, you mentioned your father was a drummer and a salesman, like mine. My father was half Scot, half Czech. Perhaps there is some common ancestor in there somewhere... :-)


  14. I once asked a lady in her eighties at what age I could expect to stop worrying about my appearance: 'never, my dear,' she said, 'I still check my lipstick before answering the door, just in case someone handsome is behind it.' And I've noticed that no matter what size a middle aged man's belly he still sucks it in when an attractive woman walks by.

  15. i agree with a comment above, fifty is a new thirty :)

  16. I'm 53. It isn't so bad, as long as you keep looking at the 60-somethings and realize that when you reach their age, you'll wish you were 53.

  17. Suldog - 53 my arse you don't look a day past 45.
    Must have been all that advice you took from Nancy Reagan back in the 80's 'Just say yes'
    was it?

  18. As long as yer sausage still functions like it should ye have nuttin' te worry aboot.

  19. But honestly do you really miss the hangovers?
    Took me a while to ascertain your sex - I had the same problem with Kim - that's the trouble with avatars and nobody seems to say on their profile 'I'm a man/woman.'
    Tried to come earlier but ended up on an ancient page of your blog. Eureka!

  20. Pat, welcome and I thought the avatar I used was a male sausage. Oh well so much for gender roles.
    what ancient page???

  21. oh, mister sausage! you have me concerned now! i may be further advanced in years than you, even, and i'm in shock at this post - do you mean to tell me that at my age, it isn't STILL all about SEX DRUGS & ROCK&ROLL!!! why, the very idea!!! and i've no intention of changing anything at all now or ever!!!

    sorry, have to go now - my sugar's waiting! [and i'm not talking granulated!]

  22. Gypsywoman - Glad yo hear you are still "Experimenting" with life.