Dearly beloved we are gathered here to drink whisky and laugh at Sausage Fingers

I hate funerals they are bloody sad, I would like the following at my funeral. Thank you.

1. My wife and children are to be given a standing ovation for their hard work and dedication.
2. An ice cream truck with free treats for everyone.
3. An open bar. (I'll start saving now)
4. Bagpipes, bagpipes and more bagpies. I want bagpipes.
5. A whisky tasting with  mandatory haggis luncheon.
6. A video montage of Archie Gemmil's goal against Holland 1978. (I shiver everytime I see it)
7. Everyone in attendance to sing - Alcohol by - Gogol Bordello. (Link attached below)
8. Catholics, Protestants, Blacks, Whites, Jews, Muslims, Liberals, Conservatives and Aliens. All are welcome, please have a whisky and enjoy yourself.
9. Please bury me anywhere in Scotland, or scatter my ashes over Tannadice or Hampden Park

 Mr. Schmidt will be there to make sure I am dirt bound, on to the next tortured soul. Good riddance asshole.
Cheers, Sausage