Tuesday, August 10, 2010
A MATTER OF PLUMBING
"It's so easy to be a man." she said, "You wake up in the morning do your business, shave/aftershave, grab the first clean shirt, eat and out." How do I respond to that? am I a gender cliche? an afterthought from a romance film boy meets girl, boys falls in love with girl blah blah blah......
My response to the fractious comment was "I had no choice in the matter, no inner-womb tribunal to be asked "Baby, do you wish to be a boy or a girl? here are the pros and cons of both, now pay attention baby this is important stuff we are dealing with here.
"A pee-pee is your first and most important toy, it has a little power and you will find yourself checking to see if is still attached from time to time."
A hoo-hoo does not have the visual effect of the pee-pee but has the power to launch a thousand ships, so choose wisely baby."
Menopause Mama was not amused with my quintessential definition of gender and I received a scorned look, the kind of look a stray animal would receive upon stumbling across a feeding lioness. I slowly backed away knowing I was in dangerous territory here like a jungle explorer surrounded by natives not knowing where the first blowdart will come from.
My next feeble attempt is to applaud the females I know, my wife the lioness, my mother and both of my brothers' women by promoting their greatness in their respective families. The lioness is not impressed, the lion now wants to run away and safeguard his toy.
I think the difference she is referring to is grooming, a man can go without a shave and look rugged and masculine but an unshaved women is not an attractive thought. (I am refering to her legs, keep your mind out of the gutter, I am already in enough trouble)
What if women actually ruled the world? all of it and men were just slaves only there to serve and please women with no other job or task. Sounds good to me, will we get a t.v.? what about beer? can we still have beer?
My wife and I are best friends and the jib jab is only a comic relief from the tension of daily life. The menopause is real and sometimes the lightning bolts are also but we still find a laugh at the end of the day.
Men are men and women are women, from the cavemen to now we still have not determined the inner clockworks of each other but we keep on keeping on. It's only a matter of plumbing.
Cheers, Sausage Fingers...