Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Man Looks At 50

It's half over, I am no longer at the top of the hill looking down but hurling towards the pit of death.
I have quickly traversed the decades like chapters in a good book.

20's - Sex, drugs and rock 'n roll
          worries: I wonder if she is single

30's - Love, mariage, babies, career, minivan
          worries: how much does college cost and why am I driving a freaking minivan.

40's - Same as 30's minus the minivan
          worries: How much have we saved for college and when did my boobs get bigger than yours.

I see older men walking about town some are balding and some have hanging bellies, one trait I notice about them is that the majority of them seem to be happy. Their physical appearance has come and gone like a ship in the night, no longer the cock of the walk or the king of the pride, their sexuality  does not seem to be priority any more.

 From the time boys start oogling the fairer sex until the coffin lid closes seeking the adoration of women seems to be the paramount goal, not to say that us married men are out there poaching and chasing tail (Ahem, Mr. Woods) but we still see ourselves are viable sexual beings. But as we cosmicly hurdle towards the middle ground do we loose that infinate desire to be attractive, are we more concerned with our short game and putting stroke or that our football team will be purchased by a Russian oligarth and given a blank check for next season. (From my lips to God's ear) ps. We need a left winger.

I suppose most older men are happily married and have raised their kids. Some have a few coins put away for their retirement and seem to be glad to be over the mid life crisis. Understanding that the need to mate and populate  has come and gone, now it's time for them to pass the widom on to the next generation of wide eyed lads.

I have quite a few years to go untill I hit the half century but have noticed the slowing down of the once athletic body, These are some of the recent signs.
1. No longer able to stay up past midnight murdering pints marinated in whisky and function the next day.
2. No longer able to out dribble the football team of kids I coach.
3. Barely beating my 11 year old in a foot race. Yes I said 11 year old, he is as fast as Hermes.
4. Not being able to sustain myself on pizza and accepting bran in my life, yummy.
5. Actually wanting to visit the doctors office without the sharp prod of the wife.

I am sure there are many more to come so for now I will keep on keeping on and do the best I can. at least I live in a country where the cost of healthcare and medicine is affordable. Oh shit...


  1. Saus, my brother had a cut on his arm and had to go to the ER. The bill was over $800 so keep takin the bran. good luck

  2. Walt - F**K the bran, I want a fish supper!!!
    cheers, sausage

  3. Thanks for this, Sausage.